furtive explorations

And that is just the Pr0n! I think tomorrow I'll look at something else on the 'net because if the pr0n is this good, imagine what the legitimate media will offer. =)

1. Highspeed, Dependable Net Access. In fact, I'd like it to be my only route onto the network. When I get home I can plug it in the cradle and it will hook up to my home computer. And it is twinned so I can grab the one that keeps my home computer connected in a crunch. The highspeed dependable access should be high and depend enough that it only needs enough memory for knowing who _I_ am, not holding my data. We invented the net so I can store stuff at home, damn it.
2. It should talk to things for me and tell them who I am. Infrared communications == no more credit cards. Alternately, the LCD/display could be bar-code scannable for payments. It should use two-way public keys to verify who I am and who the vendor is. The credit card company should sign my key signature so I can prove that I have a valid card even when they can't contact the card vendor. No one sniffing the communications should be able to get critical data.
3. It should be a net phone.
4. The damn thing should have a minimal mini-pda and a small one-line display. It should clip to a medium sized PDA that is upgradeable or interchangeable. Some days I only want a basic small PDA for the hip pocket. Other days, the bigger PDA with color screen, digital camera, and GPS would be nice to stick in that big jacket pocket. It should clip to my Laptop and hook it up too. Hell, it should get my home computer online from it's cradle when my home access dies, assuming it isn't the primary form of access to begin with...
5. If plugged into devices it has never met, it should clam up until I introduce it. It should know me by a biometric or two so that stealing it is basically useless.
6. It should unlock and start my car. It should turn off my home security when I get in the front door. It should control my TV and electronics.
7. It should know when to beep, when to vibrate, and when to play dead. It should learn that from me and basic context clues. If it can tell where it is fairly accurately, it should ask the surroundings how to behave. Movie theaters and Hospitals == vibrate. Hotels at 3am == voice-mail. =)
8. No more than 4 buttons please. Voice input would be nice. It doesn't have to be able to understand me itself, the whole net is there to help it. Add gesture or motion based input and it can tell what I just wrote on my hand and show it on that little screen. And don't give me any crap about dialing the phone, if you can't say their name to dial them you can't talk to them on the phone anyway. Buttons and motion are for things you CAN'T say.

Here are the basic rules: HSDA means that email is my pager. Voice to text technology means I can get your voice-mails as pages. Netphone tech means my computers are my voice-mail system. That puts 99% of my correspondence in my inbox. And I can get to that from most anywhere. Hook me to the net by voice and by a common plug to my other toys then get the hell outta my way.

Give me a wagic wand, baby!

One in three pupils has had a sexual experience on a school trip, including some as young as 11, according to a survey published today.
A fifth of all teenagers said they had full penetrative sex when aged 16 or under during a school outing with at least one overnight stay. Yowsa! You know, there are kids at age 16 who think "penetrative sex" means "at knife point."

"This does not mean that school trips should be stopped, but that young people should be given more education about sex and the risks involved," Tony Kerridge, a spokesman for the charity, said. Tony was then -- no doubt -- promptly fired for clear thinking.

Dr Marianne Parry, MSI's medical director, said: "What is really worrying is that a quarter of respondents didn't use any contraception at all and put themselves at risk of contracting sexually transmitted infections and experiencing crisis pregnancies. Crisis Pregnancies. There is a stupid phrase. Isn't every pregnancy a crisis? =) Also, Wouldn't "Crisis Pregnancy" make a great title for a "Survivor" style show where the teens try and hold out as long as possible before the pressure gets to them?

Boys reported having more sexual experiences than girls, a disparity put down to young males becoming involved with local girls on school trips and some having gay sex. And bragging, didn't anyone take into account bragging?

Mr Kerridge said: "Britain has the highest rate of teenage pregnancies in western Europe. All the evidence from the continent suggests that the best way to discourage early sexual activity is to give young people all the facts." "This is what her breasts will look like at age 84...", or "And now class we move on to 'Grovelling: How to Get Some After You've Been a Bastard'..."

Bonus Quote (Write your own punchline!): Dr Parry said the main message was to counsel young people to think "long and hard" before they embarked on sexual activity while away from home.

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Plus, my contribution to "Fung Schwing" is: "Wang Fung Schwing : For those whose interests lie to the male side of the fun zone."

One friend's advice on pool and maybe even life: "Aim low and you won't scratch."

Sklutch's thoughts on a bad shot by yours truly: "My life is affirmed by your unhappiness."

Punchline definitions for "Fung Schwing!" I worked on tonite:

1. The art of arranging nude women in your house.
2. With balance in the house comes peace, tranquillity, and at least an added inch.
3. "See, the arc of the whip in the upper left balances the silver dildos and the perfectly round..."
4. "Whoo baby, your house is in or-der!"
5. All wooden tables and an owl motif help keep pure the Hooter's Hot Wing Experience.

• Polymer-City gains a hyphen, a fresh new domain, and my undying gratitude for mailing poor, widdle ol' me to tell me where they were now. It seems that the old site on MPOG will remain as a monument or a testament or something.
• ExploitationNow gets a domain upgrade here too.
• Little Gamers finally gets their domain fixed on this page.
• Spaz Labs' site gets the URL truncated to remove the useless "index.htm" off the end. Necessary mostly because the real URL now has ".asp" on the end of it. =) Oh yeah, and I moved them to MWF like they've been for months.
• Tang moves to KeenSpace and spins off TAV and Sunday Morning Coffee. SMC would appear to be the best chance of seeing Clay's work since ThinHLine seems to be dead and gone.
• Following the last post, look for a grav yard section of links to dead sites that I miss. =/
• Movement: FreeFall moves up to Daily, NeoBaka moves up to the top of occasional, You Damn Kid moves to M-F along with Joy of Tech, Beta moves to the Pick-A-Day category with TRSa, and a bunch of stuff moved around to reflect the order I read them.
• Demise became "Boomslang" and moved to MTWR.
• Acid Reflux added to Weekly.
• Inkography added to Weekly as a W.
• Pffft added to Weekly as a M. (basically an Mmmm. ;)
• BOASAS (Boy On A Stick And Slither) is in Pick-A-Day, MF.
• Catchy Title added to Pick-A-Day, SW of all things. We'll also keep an eye on Box his sketch site by sticking it next to his comic like we did with Tang, TAV, SMC and ClayB.
• TrueNuff added to MWF.
• Added a Comic Culture section for oddities like Cartoon Community and CIDU. I'll add the regular meta links there too.
• Added to Watching: ECJ, Devoted Bee, Squinkers, Paradigm, Graphite Stage, Eat The Roses, Fluble or maybe Fluble?, Neon Umbra, Isometric, FourToonTellers (aka, SillyConeV, Untitled Again, Framed!!!, and J Walkin'), ToonBots, and ROCR!

• From Soar to Survival... See them dodge, see them duck, see them cash in on your bad luck!
• Router Rooter The best time to get a leg up on someone is when they've had their legs swept out from under them.
• Massively Multiplayer, Multilingual, Online Role-Playing Games the gamer in me says "K3w1, 7h!s w!11 R0x0r", the geek in me says "r u able 2 get my drift?", the linguist in me says "chat lives and breathes idiom and abbreviation, how do you translate that?"

Except that the smell is from the shirt I took out of the dryer last night! I grab the rest of the shirts from that load. All tasty, mequite-grilled cotton. I recall the odd noise the dryer was making last night and frantically check the prior load's victims. They seem to have escaped the south-west seasoning. I dash out into the hall and check the last load -- towels -- hoping they aren't extra-crispy, blackened or deep-fried. Nope, no smoke.

So now I sit here at work, still vaguely smoky from putting on that shirt for 2 minutes, wondering how one load in the middle of my laundry cycle wound up southwest style.

Of course, this: "Ha HA! You are no match for my cowardice!" isn't that bad either. =)

Luckily, penguin sweaters, male chastity belts (they keep men chaste, the belts aren't actually sexed or able to breed themselves), the coming monkey crisis, and the engorged pr0n industry have restored me to the fine, wobbly state of mental health that I call home.

Now that I'm "home" I'd like to point out that charts don't lie: Shrek kicks mighty-big booty. Roll your eyes at the poo jokes, ride it out, and find yourself laughing along with the kids...