furtive explorations

And yeah I should have put this down with the other "thoughts" but I thing this one stands on it's own. After a day of reading webcomics, it is pretty cool to have original humorous thoughts...

See, because you are "shooting" them the bird? Get it now? *Sheesh*

• Why would a resturant put up permanent "Caution Wet Floor" signs on both their bathrooms? If the floor is constantly wett shouldn't you get a plummer, or at least better patrons?
• Profina, how the hell do they make money preying exclusively on people who fucked up their credit?
• Why is it the first thing that starts rusting in my car trunk is WD-40? If you were selling a product where one of your main claims to fame was preventing rust, would you ship it in a plain steel can that rusts? Is this some sort of plan to sell you two cans so you can dose each of them up from time to time?
• Steak Tar-tar and Sushi, two great tastes that go great together? You got blood on my rice! You got Wasabi in my blood!
• Never trust a psychic that pays for Caller-ID
• Klingon Kama Sutra Not really my idea but so wonderful I had to share
• Why would the world need a WD-40 fanclub?

I have got to start a band, make cool t-shirts, and get hot chicks in Canada to wear them.

Also, I should learn to sing, how to play an instrument in such a way that it doesn't sound like an atonal cow dying, and how to be vaguely attractive to the opposite sex. Damnit. Maybe I should skip the band part and just ship t-shirts to Canada...

Some days I just look in the mirror and spend hours admiring myself. One of these days I should get it off the floor back on the wall. Not today though, my daughter left some Barbies on it so I'm taking my pants off and playing valley of the dolls again.

Of course, our local UPN affiliate (Big 58) is run by cave monkeys and people who smell their own fingers after sex. That means we suffered multiple satellite dropouts including a 10 second interruption so bad the station's decoder switched to a computer screen. Lovely thing to have videotaped, with random squares of encoded video dropping out here and there, streaked screens of static, and more making it a real pleasure to view. Ahh, to be the fifth best local station out of six. That is their goal!

While you are poking around on the net, drop in on the Star Trek Series V website and discover web design from 1996. They made images entirely of text, including bright yellow underlined 'links'. *snort* There are only 47 actual text words on the entire page. How sad is that? Why not go Flash or Shockwave at that point, eh? It would actually be simpler and look better and be easier to maintain. And I hate Flash...

It is a scary thing to drop trou and have bloody undies. Of course, a few hours in the Emergency room getting vampired, stunt-peeing (hello pain!) in a cup, and generally being abandoned in the cold alone quickly makes you pine for the happier times when you were at home -- near fainting -- and wondering if you were dying. And after all that, the doctor asked 5 questions at the beginning that convinced him I had this but made me stay for 4 hours of tests and seat warming.

The best part of all of this? I didn't get tested for the clap. You know they stick a q-tip up your willie for that? One major indignity avoided. *whew*

After it was all over you know what the worst part of my visit to the hospital was? The doctor stole my fucking pen. =)

As with digital music, digital video, gun powder, plastic explosives, fuel bombs, fertilizer bombs, abortion, sex, nakedness and all the other scary things in the world, the encryption cat has been let completely out of the bag. Do you seriously think they don't have mathematics or programming in other countries? Do you really think Phil making it free and easy did anything other than get it in everyone's hands faster than it might have otherwise? Do you think you can stuff all the cats back into bags? Folks, once something is out it is out, and no number of king's men and horses can do anything other than make scrambled eggs.

Heinz is going to have to get together with Crayola. It is just that simple. =) The link above leads to a nice large sized version. There is a smaller one here. I'm quite proud of this so be nice. =)

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